knitakitty’s Story
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So, long story short...
knitakitty made the mistake of
Having A Biological Clock
My Advice to You is
Think of all the awful things that come along with children
Here's the whole story
My good friend from college took me out to lunch about a year and a half ago. We had a really excellent time, and we were able to talk with one another about something that no one else seemed to understand--our biological clocks.
At some point in every woman's life (and some men) the sudden inner urge to reproduce becomes very overwhelming and enveloping. Sometimes this urge lasts for a day, other times a few months, other times years. It feels like your body is yelling at you with a little voice in your head, "Ok, you are ready, your body is ready, hurry up, you need to get started." And at the tender age of 18, having your body tell you these things is not only absurd, but just downright annoying.
Well, seeing as how we both were having the ticking of your clocks, my friend and I were able to connect on this topic. It was really nice to have someone to talk with about it, because few can understand. (Though I must say, that if you ever talk to someone who is struggling through this, please be aware that logic is being overruled by something more instinctual.) I have gotten past this, thanl god, by basically telling my deepest instinct to shut the hell up.
Well, fast forward to about March of this year, my friend and I hadn't spoken since that lunch date. She text messages me telling me that she is pregnant and engaged. I was shocked. I was hoping to set her up with a guy that I knew who she'd be perfect for. Now, she is due to have the baby (a girl) in a few days, and I keep thinking back to that lunch date.
As cruel as it sounds, I am glad that out of the two of us, she is the one who succumbed to the clock. I know that I'll be a really good mom, but in no way does that mean that I should have a child now. And, babies inevidably become children, which inevidably become teenagers. Then, the next thing you know, you're paying for their college with a reverse mortgage. I just don't care to have a child anytime soon. 19 is too young, not to mention too broke. I spent $40 on a blanket, some hand sanitizer, diaperrash cream, and a little baby medicine kit for my friend's new baby. My debit card is screaming. And as I was wrapping these things this morning, I thought about how good it felt to know that I am not pregnant, and don't plan on becoming so anytime soon.
I really wish that more people would talk about the biological clock, because it is a very real thing. And it doen't just happen to women pre-menopause. It can happen to any girl at any age. I'm just thrilled to know that I didn't get thrown under the bus.
Comments (6)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'd like to preface this comment with a rebuttal to the assertion that "every" woman at some point in her life has this urge. I know several women who have passed the point of child-bearing age and have never, ever had a drive to produce a child. This "biological clock" is certainly prevalent in pop culture; however, it is not a universal mechanism. And the best way to curb baby urges is to spend lots and lots of time taking care of them. That 14th spill of the day, the snot wiped all over your shirt, and the various escape attempts really make you appreciate only being responsible for yourself.
I know plenty of couples who have decided to not have children and they seem absolutely fine.
Thank you, Beth. Actually, in a way, I agree with you. No, not EVERY woman has this urge, but it doesn't mean that they might not think, even for a moment, "Gee, What if?" There is always a range when it comes to emotions, and the way I felt is not the way that the next woman is going to feel.
The whole point of me writing this was not to say that every woman was designed to be a baby machine, but rather, to help any woman who suddenly feels like something inside of her is telling her that she is physically ready. I felt very alone when I was going through that. It seems like a shame for anyone else to.
And I agree with the statement that the more you spend time with children, the less you want to have one. But being a person who is around children A LOT, I can tell you that I personally had to dig a bit deeper to find what really worked for me to stop the internal drive. Let's face it, when they're yours, it's a different story. You don't notice the snot on your shirt as much, and spills aren't as big of a deal.
All I am saying, is that if anyone feels like their clock is ticking, you are most definately not alone in feeling that way.
Well said. I am surprised that you haven't found more young women who relate to you.
I can kind of relate - I work in an OB/GYN office, and all day I see happy, expectant moms, and the excitement is completely contagious. A lot of the girls in my office feel the "tick-tock" from time to time. It's just important to remember to look at our lives before stocking our cabinets with prenatal vitamins. It's really sad to see the girls who end up pregnant with no real means of support for the baby. I can't fathom how that feels, and just trying to imagine it keeps the clock in check.
wow, funny, men do have a biological clock too...i have an 8 year old daughter and my girfriend has an 8 year old son as well...she doesn't want any more kids...and for a while i thought i didn't either..we're both in our mid 30s...well during the last year and a half for some reason, i have had this need to have another kid...can't get over it and can't explain it. must be the clock thing...been getting urged by my lovely gf to get snipped...hmm..we just got our dog snipped as well...anyhow, i feel that kids are given to you..i think it happens when it is supposed to happen...when u least expect it..